A person's highest self-cultivation: do not cause trouble to others

/August 2022

recently, the variety show "Chinese Restaurant 5" is very popular.

in the first episode, Gong Jun was responsible for cleaning crayfish. Because of the heavy workload, he washed crayfish for three hours by himself.

after washing the lobster, he carried two large pots alone and transported the lobster from the backyard to the kitchen.

although his legs trembled as he climbed the steps, he did not turn to anyone, but silently moved the lobster to the designated position.

this reminds me of a question on Zhihu: "what is the state of mind that you don't want to bother others?"

A high praise replied:

"everyone has their own business, and they can solve it on their own as much as possible."

in this way, your precious time will not be taken up too much, nor will it add to the burden on others. "

Adult life, everyone is fighting in his own world.

it is our duty for others to help us, but it is our duty not to help us.

people who don't bother others easily are actually considerate and kind.

understanding the difficulties of others and not causing trouble to others is the highest self-cultivation of adults.


in the adult world, everyone has their own business

there is a discussion group on Douban: what is the psychology of people who always like to bother others?

below there is such a high-praise answer:

even take bothering others as the capital of promiscuity, asking for help at best and selfishness at worst. "

in life, there is no shortage of such "selfish" people:

because you are a relative, you are regarded as your own family, and you are not seen at all. You can obviously solve a trifle by yourself, but you need your help.

in the name of a friend, I take it for granted to ask for your value and take up your time.

I think it's a small thing to help. It's not worth mentioning. If you don't help, you seem to have a problem.

people who bother others easily do everything in their own interests and pay no attention to each other's feelings, which becomes tiresome over time.

people who are really full of goodwill can understand each other's difficulties, only for fear of causing trouble to others and minimize interruptions.

I once saw a netizen share his experience.

A young man went to see a doctor in his city for two days, and it was only in the afternoon that he called to tell him that he was ready to go back.

he asked why he didn't tell himself earlier that he could at least provide accommodation even if he could not accompany him.

Fa Xiao said: "I know you are very busy now, life is also very difficult, parents and children need you to take care of, tell you, afraid you will be distracted, do not disturb you."

later he learned that after seeing a doctor the day before, he ran back and forth between the railway station and the passenger station, missing the last bus back.

A small book can help him, stay for a night, dreadfully disturb him, and make do with it in the railway station for one night.

Yi Shu once wrote:

in the adult world, everyone has their own things to do, often exhausted, and can no longer find the time and energy to take care of others.

although it appears to be calm, it may actually be overwhelmed by life, or it may be on the brink of collapse.

mature people know how to think of others and try not to disturb other people's lives.

do not disturb others easily, do not cause trouble to others at will, is a person's best upbringing.


mature people will do their part well

Feng Tang once wrote:

doing your own thing well and not bothering others is a person's duty, and it is also a treasure of other people's time and energy.

writer Xie Kehui once wrote such a thing:

one day, a colleague was chatting and received a courier call.

the colleague went up to an intern and asked the intern to pick up the delivery for her.

my colleague thought that the intern would go out to pick up the express delivery for her right away like everyone else, but the intern replied, "Sorry, I'm working now, so I can't pick up the express delivery for you."

my colleagues were so embarrassed that they had to go downstairs by themselves.

later, while eating, Xie Kehui chatted with the intern and wanted to tell him that it didn't seem appropriate.

but the intern woke her up.

the intern said: "I didn't help that colleague at that time, first, he didn't have anything to do at that time, if he was busy, then I would go downstairs to get his express delivery without saying a word;

second, I was really busy at that time. I think work is much more important than this superfluous thing."

Ren Bishi, a politician, once said:

taking good care of yourself and not easily causing trouble to others is an important step in growth.

when I went on a trip, I was surprised to see that in a tour group, there were many parents with their children, regardless of their children's age.

when asked, the backpack contains the child's own daily necessities, such as towels, toothbrushes, toothpaste, water cups, handkerchiefs and so on.

in the eyes of many people, these daily necessities can be done by parents without having to carry them on their own.

but parents do this in order to let their children know from an early age that "you have to do your own things, because others have no obligation to bear anything for you."

A person who does his job well is not only the embodiment of self-ability and quality, but also the best respect for others.

Adults can do as much as they can.

do what you do your part in a down-to-earth manner, and don't pin your hopes onFor others, it is wise to find a way to strengthen yourself.


No one can help you all the time, except yourself

remember that there is a debate topic in "Strange Theory": "is it a virtue to bother others?"

Huang Zhizhong said a paragraph that made people feel full of emotion.

he said:

"what is trouble? I don't do what I'm supposed to do. I want others to do it. That's trouble.

however, if a person has physical, psychological or environmental difficulties, although in the eyes of others, there should be a lot of people to help him, the process of trying to get others not to help him is remarkable. "

can trouble others, but do not want to trouble, but want to rely on their own strength to live a good life, for others is a kind of goodwill, but also a kind of self-reliance.

think of Zhang Chi, played by Shen Teng in the movie Fast Life, who was banned from racing for five years for illegal car racing.

in order to pay off his debts, he had to go to Dapai stalls to sell fried rice, but he always had the dream of racing in his heart.

when the suspension expires, he is ready to return to the game. I looked all over my former friends and borrowed money everywhere, but I got all kinds of refusals.

it was not easy to find an old friend to borrow a car. Although the old friend agreed, he only gave him a rack.

the road to the rematch is full of difficulties, which makes Zhang Chi feel the ridicule of others and the cold cruelty of reality.

Ni Ping once said:

No one in the world can help you all the time. You have to solve problems on your own, and you are your own savior.

Jia Ling, the highest-grossing female director in the world, is the best interpretation.

after Jia Ling graduated from the crosstalk class, she had a very difficult time for Beijing drifters.

at that time, Master Feng Gong introduced her to the performance opportunity.

but Jia Ling knows that Master is the guide, but whether she can walk steadily and far on this road depends on herself.

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as a result, she devoted herself to her works and finally became famous with her performance at the CCTV Spring Festival Gala.

after becoming famous, Jia Ling seldom mentioned Feng Gong in public, nor would she rely on her master, but rely on her own strength to gain a firm foothold in the crosstalk industry.

Gulong once said:

there are no shortcuts in life. At any time, the most important person can only be himself.

A person with a strong heart will rely on himself first instead of turning to others for help in the first place.

fools ask for help, but wise men ask for themselves.

choose to be your own backer in order to take the initiative in life.


the highest self-cultivation of adults is not to cause trouble to others.

some people say, "there is no cure for people who only think about themselves. They are uneducated people, no matter what kind of education they have received."

people who often trouble others and do not regard other people's time as time is disrespect for others.

putting yourself at the center of interests, regardless of the convenience of others, is also a kind of selfishness.

understanding the difficulties of others and not interrupting others easily is goodwill to others;

doing their own job well and learning to rely on themselves is responsible for themselves;

do not ask for help in the face of difficulties, know how to improve yourself, can be a little bit stronger.

in fact, any interpersonal relationship is essentially an exchange relationship.

every time you trouble each other, it consumes the relationship between them.

the highest level of adult self-cultivation is not to cause trouble to others.