As a man, you should turn your face when it's time to turn your face.
Wang Xiaobo once said:
to be a man, you should keep a kind heart, but don't lose yourself for the sake of kindness.
when it's time to turn your face, don't be afraid to offend people.
if you are weak and can be bullied
the other person will dare to be unscrupulous
there is a sentence in
disqualification in the world: Ye Zang, the protagonist in
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book, is a person who does not know how to refuse, always caters carefully to others, hoping to integrate into the circle and make others like him in this way of regardless of reward.
but unfortunately, in the end, he lost himself and lost hope for life.
his pain stems from his own weakness, from not daring to express his true thoughts with others, and from the fear of being hated.
maybe this idea is also rooted in the hearts of many people, afraid of rejection, like to cater to others, but this bottomless pay is cheap and stupid.
"Genius Writer" Jiang Fangzhou revealed at the "fantastic work Conference" that he had a "flattering personality":
"I have never had a 'real' relationship with anyone. I have never exposed the truest and worst side of myself to others, because I hope others like me so much.
in my daily relationship with friends, I find that I can't express my dissatisfaction, I don't show my angry side, and I'm very afraid of conflict and make others feel unhappy. "
A person who likes to please and cater to others is often difficult to get real respect and love.
her friend Siqi was ill in hospital, but none of her colleagues went to see her. She felt very sad and aggrieved.
because usually, Siqi is the most helpful person in the company, and she is on call when her colleagues need her.
sometimes I even have to go home and work overtime until 11 or 12:00 in the evening.
and her illness is also related to the pressure of work and often staying up late.
I asked her, "won't you refuse to be asked to work?"
she said: "I dare not, after all, we are all colleagues. I am afraid that if I refuse my colleagues, I will be unhappy and embarrassed to meet in the future. Moreover, if I help others in this way, maybe others will help themselves in the future."
some people, if you help them, they will not be cherished, but even worse.
pay blindly, without the cost of rejection, pay more and more cheaply, in the eyes of others, you are a "come and go" tool, and you are the one who gets hurt in the end.
if goodness loses its scale, it becomes harm.
if there is no bottom line, it becomes a disaster.
only when there is a degree, there is a sense of propriety, a degree of respect.
for some people, tolerance is useless. The kinder you are, the more unscrupulous they are.
when Sanmao was in college, she did most of the work in the dormitory by herself, such as sweeping the floor, hanging clothes, taking out garbage and so on.
later she went to study in England, and her classmates often borrowed her clothes and shoes.
although she was unhappy, she didn't show it and endured it all the time.
once a classmate invited a friend to a party in Sanmao's room to play. The dean knew about it and blamed it because no one admitted it, so the dean scolded Sanmao.
at this time, Sanmao could not help but burst out. He ran into the hallway to pick up a broom and waved it at his classmates.
since then, her classmates have been more polite to her and no longer use her things casually.
there is a question on Zhihu: why do you refuse to be a human being?
there is a highly praised answer: "most of the time, 'turning over' represents your bottom line, protects your self-esteem, and represents a person's most basic right in interpersonal communication: to be respected."
Learning to refuse is a compulsory course for all of us in life.
if you are always weak, you can only be bothered by others over and over again, or even be relied on without a bottom line.
as Bi Shumin said: "refusal is a right, you are so easy to talk, and who can understand you?" Life is not easy. Many times, you give up your precious time and are squeezed by those who take advantage of your kindness. "
your kindness should have scale, sharpness and wisdom.
be a human being
when it's time to fall out
Xiao Li just graduated and found her friend Manman to share a house with her.
but she recently found that Manman had seriously affected her life.
for example, Manman likes to go to bed early, so he asks her to turn off the lights early so as not to disturb Manman's sleep.
Manman is sloppy and likes to throw things about, always messing up the place she had arranged.
sometimes, Manman likes to play sound when watching videos and listening to music, whether Xiao Li is resting or working.
to make matters worse, Manman also asked Xiao Li to pay a little more electricity bill, because Manman once came back earlier and used more electricity.
in the end, Xiao Li couldn't stand it, so she quarreled with her directly and made clear her attitude: "if you are still so bossy, then you can just move out in the future."
there are some things that don't need to be backed down all the time, otherwise there will be more and more trouble, and you always have to swallow it.
when we have a good heart, we must keep our bottom line:
1. Don't lower your self-esteem in order to cater to others.
2. Do your own thing first, and then help others appropriately.
3. Have their own principles, refuseNever ask for anything.
as a person, you should turn your face when you turn your face, and don't be afraid to offend people.
as the saying goes,
kindness with principle and wisdom will be rewarded in the end.