No matter who you marry, please exchange these 15 questions with each other first.

/July 2022

not long ago, I was vaguely sad to see the statistics of the Civil Affairs Bureau on marriage and divorce in recent years. The

table shows that the marriage rate has been declining over the past nine years, but the divorce rate has continued to rise.

that is to say:

every day, an average of 10,000 couples choose to divorce.

nowadays, with the rapid development of the times, even the holy marriage has entered the era of fast food.

couples lack enough patience to get to know each other, or if the contact time is too short and only see each other's strengths, they dare to move on to the next stage of life.

some people get married quickly, but quickly go through the divorce formalities.

as Johnson said: if marriage is too impatient, it will be troublesome to have leisure.

regardless of age and identity, marriage needs to be treated with caution. The following issues must be discussed before marriage:

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Future residence

where to live after marriage

how to buy a house, whether or not to live with your parents after marriage;

if two people are in a long-distance relationship, can one of them stay away from his relatives and friends and go to live in the other's city?

choose a city where both sides like and are willing to live stably, and study the surrounding facilities and urban planning before buying a house, which will save a lot of unnecessary trouble in the future.

whether to live with your parents after marriage is a test that many couples will face, which involves the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, economic pressure and other factors.

while long-distance couples talk about differences in customs, eating habits, and leaving the circle of friends in the past, they are all concessions for marriage.


Future career plans

the future career development plans of both parties can first talk about their goals within ten years to see if they have any differences of opinion on their lives.

if one party's work needs to leave his family's place to work in another place, whether the other party is willing to accompany him or her.

if a marriage needs to give up part of its career ideal, whether it is willing to accept it, and to what extent it can be accepted.


A series of problems with children

before marriage, it is necessary to know clearly whether there are excessive differences on the issue of raising children:

when to have children, who will take care of them after marriage, how to arrange the children's expenses, and the children's future education are all issues that need to be discussed seriously.

having children will greatly affect women's career development, while men's financial pressure will also increase;

if there are no parents to help take care of the children, it is necessary for one party to return to the family.

moreover, a survey of previous reports showed that in some parts of Shanghai, it costs nearly 800000 to raise a child to junior high school, of which education accounts for the majority.


marital loyalty

can you accept the extent of each other's contact with friends of the opposite sex, what is your definition of cheating, and can you accept each other's mental or physical infidelity?

if you can't accept it, be sure to highlight your bottom line in advance.


the economic situation of both parties

personal assets, movable and immovable property, and whether the property after marriage is used together or managed separately.

whether personal debt and household debt are shared; whether

one party is willing to support the other financially.


the difference in consumption view of both parties will directly affect marriage. When in love or before marriage, we should pay attention to this problem, and we can't think about solving it until after marriage.

A few days ago, ordinary working-class women spent 300000 on Singles Day shopping to buy big-name products, and their husbands could not accept that they wanted to jump off buildings, which was a vivid tragedy.


Family problems of both parties

Marriage is not a matter for two people, but a matter for two families.

there must be a lot of problems in the native family that you don't like, in order to prevent these problems from appearing in your family;

first of all, you should make it clear to each other, avoid and solve them as much as possible.

if you don't make it clear before marriage, problems emerge after marriage, and you may endure it at first;

but as you endure it, the grievances will grow bigger and bigger, and the last one will get out of hand.


the living habits of both parties

everyone has their own unique living habits. In a marriage, marriage is really not only love, but also each other's living habits.

it can be said that after getting married, everyone should get used to each other's unique living habits.

in the face of each other's living habits, which can be tolerated and which can not be accepted;

all need to communicate well to prevent future marriages from being ruined in details.


the attitude of both parties in the face of quarrels

the lives of the two people after marriage are bound to friction, if they quarrel, whether they can stop at the right time;

be calm and listen to each other, and treat each other's thoughts and complaints fairly.

in addition, can you calmly control your emotions not to do excessive behavior in the middle of a quarrel;

can you objectively analyze the problems faced by two people after a quarrel, and work together to overcome difficulties?


with or without disease history

disease history includes physical and psychological diseases, especially some major, hereditary and fertility-affecting diseases.

because it will have an impact on your married life. If you hide it before marriage, it is likely to cause the other person to think that he has been cheated and lose trust in his or her partner.

of course understanding is two-way, and the other side should alsoKnow something about his health and family history.


can you accept each other's friends

do you like and respect each other's friends? what if you don't like one of your partner's friends?

apart from partners and relatives, friends are the most important social relationships in our lives;

but there is a good chance that the choice of friends will affect the direction of life in the future.

it is worth mentioning that friends of the opposite sex are also a topic to be discussed.


what is the personal bottom line

there is something that both parties can't give up because of marriage, it may be a car, a house, money, a career.

each has its own insistence. Explain in advance to see if the other party can accept it.

of course, there are things that need to be understood, but there are things that need to be properly made way for marriage.


how to allocate future housework

how to divide family affairs, such as cooking and cleaning, who will be responsible for it?

these seemingly trivial things often become the culprit of wasting feelings.

also need to consider different situations:

how to distribute housework when both people are at work, so as not to cause complaints.

when one party is full-time at home, how to distribute housework, it may not be able to create economic value at home, whether it can get due respect, and so on.


what are the advantages and disadvantages of both sides

couples can only see each other's strengths and avoid each other's unacceptable things during the hot love period.

but marriage needs to live together for a long time, and if you keep repressing discontent, it will eventually lead to a big outbreak.

so it's best for two people to showdown their strengths and weaknesses before marriage to determine whether the other person is the most suitable candidate for marriage.

of course, there are some shortcomings, such as domestic violence, etc., which may be hidden or even hidden by the other party in the early stage, so careful observation and investigation are needed.


who will be in charge of the family in the future

everything in the family involves who is in charge, which is the man's decision, and which is the woman's decision.

big enough to buy a house and car, small enough to vaccinate children;

including how to go home during the holidays, someone needs to make decisions and control the risk.

Marriage will inevitably face "distribution of rights";

for the long-term development of marriage, everyone has to make compromises and concessions.

Mr. Zhou Guoping once said:

Love is the treasure of life. When we use the ship of marriage to carry the treasure of love;

our mission is to avoid the reef as far as possible and reach our destination safely from the storm.

whoever deliberately goes up against the wind and waves can have the pleasure of adventure, but it also shows that he does not cherish the treasures in the ship.

A good marriage should be cherished and protected. Cherishing is fate. If you cherish it, your heart will die.

the above 15 questions are like a road map during the voyage, making the voyage road clearer.

some of these problems may trigger each other's pain when talking about them, and there are bound to be things that you don't want to face.

but I believe that through these questions, people will re-examine their relationship and make the most appropriate plans for the future.