No matter who you marry, please exchange these 15 questions with each other first.
Zhou Guoping once said:
"Love is the treasure of life. When we use the ship of marriage to carry the treasure of love;
our mission is to avoid the reef as far as possible, avoid the wind and waves, and reach our destination safely.
whoever deliberately goes up against the wind and waves can have the pleasure of adventure, but it also shows that he does not cherish the treasures in the ship. "
any setback in love is a sign of emotional problems, which should be predicted and solved in time.
Uncle Fan sorted out 15 questions, which are common problems in marriage. the earlier you get to know each other, the more conducive to the development of your relationship.
about the house
Housing has always been an issue that Chinese people attach great importance to when they get married. If you think about it in advance, there will be less disputes and worries in the future.
in which city do you live and settle down? How are you going to buy a house? How much is the budget for the house? Do you accept living with your parents? Do you need parents to support you to buy a house? How do I sign the property certificate?
which style and layout are you going to use in decorating the house?
if it is a long-distance relationship, is one party willing to leave the city where he or she lives now?
is the location of buying a house closer to the parents' home, or closer to the work location and the children's school location?
all these will affect the future life and travel, children's school, pension and so on.
questions about children
do we have children for each other? About when do you want it?
because sometimes, two people want to have children at different times and plans, so they have to agree in advance whether they can reach an agreement or not.
if you have a baby, who will take care of the baby at work? What are the educational ideas of the two children? Gentle education or tiger and wolf education? Do you want to go to cram school or interest class? What if parents get involved and educate each other in different ways?
after having children, marriage becomes more complicated and needs to be worried about in all aspects.
many people have children after marriage, only to find that they have many different ideas, which leads to frequent quarrels, which will directly affect the healthy growth of their children and is not conducive to the development of their relationship.
Family problems of both parties
every family has its own difficulties. Marriage is a matter between two families, and you must know each other's family in advance.
are we fully aware of each other's family conditions and problems? What is the most annoying and unbearable thing in the other family? How to solve?
what is the parents' attitude towards their marriage? Have you met your expectations? Can you get enough support and blessing from them?
bottom line, matters of principle
what can't be accepted by the other party? Such as cheating, domestic violence, quitting after marriage, doing housework at home, taking care of children and so on.
to what extent can you accept each other's relationship with the opposite sex? Do you accept the other person's mental or physical infidelity?
what price do you have to pay if you cheat?
Marriage is a very serious matter, and you must be responsible to each other, so you should be clear about your bottom line and principles before getting married.
can you accept each other's friends
to understand each other's circle of friends, what do friends like to do when they get together, what is their character and what are their values?
do we like and respect each other's friends? Are you willing to introduce your friends to each other?
know that birds of a feather flock together, people are divided into groups, the other person always likes to make friends, but also represents what kind of person the other person is.
each other's spiritual needs
it is crucial to understand each other's deepest spiritual needs and beliefs. What do you need each other most? What's your hobby? What kind of support do you need from each other?
now the relationship is no longer like that of my parents, just to make a living together and meet the needs of survival.
our generation is satisfied materially, and what we need emotionally is a deeper spiritual empathy and understanding.
consumption concepts of both parties
after marriage, two people form a small family. If the concept of consumption and savings are different, it is difficult to live in harmony.
some people are of the moonlight clan, who are used to spending a lot of money and pursue material comforts, while others will be careful and not only have a balance, but also make their life happy.
so you should know in advance the other person's concept of money distribution and savings after marriage.
for example, what is the salary of two people? How much does it cost to eat? How much is spent on entertainment? How much do I have to deposit in a month? How much is the current expenditure?
how to allocate the children's expenses in the future? How do parents support their parents when they are old? Do both parents have a pension?
Future career development plan
what kind of pursuit do you have for your career requirements?
to what extent do you want a promotion and salary increase, the number of overtime, business trips, whether you want to go to other places for development, and so on.
Sanmao once said:
everyone has their own unique living habits, and after marriage, they should be more tolerant and accept each other's living habits.
what are the things you can't tolerate in the face of each other's habits? Be sure to speak out to avoid greater contradictions in the future.
for example, the opinion of keeping a pet, the taste of eating, whether to snore when sleeping, how to turn on the air conditioner when sleeping, hygiene habits and so on.
the disease history of both sides
disease history, including physiological disease and heart disease.Reason, mental illness.
is there a congenital family inherited disease? Have you ever had an operation?
attention should be paid to some major diseases, which are infectious and hereditary, and must be communicated and informed in advance.
if you have ever had a psychological or mental illness, you should also be honest, otherwise the other party will feel cheated when they find out after marriage.
know each other's experience
there is a saying: "if you know my past, then you will understand my present."
do you know each other well?
try to understand each other's character, experience, things that have the greatest impact, interests, etc., it will be easier to understand and tolerate each other.
attitude towards betrothal gifts
some time ago, there was often news that couples did not get married because of betrothal gifts. Therefore, it is necessary to sit down calmly and talk about the betrothal gift before marriage, so as to avoid the unhappiness of both families when the betrothal gift is really required before marriage.
discuss the definition of betrothal gifts, the local custom, parents' opinions on how to give betrothal gifts, and their own opinions, and balance the ideas of both sides, and negotiate a solution that everyone is satisfied with.
whether you are confident in overcoming future difficulties
quarrelling is an ability, while problem solving is a super ability.
can you communicate well when you quarrel at ordinary times? Can you listen to each other carefully and then treat each other's thoughts and complaints well?
are you confident in your marriage and willing to accept any challenges and move forward?
will you be willing to keep learning, reflecting and changing yourself for the sake of each other?
dealing with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law
the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is broken because of the bad relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and the husband's inaction.
should you know in advance the character of your mother-in-law and whether your attitude towards her is friendly? Do you like to interfere in two people's lives?
also ask your boyfriend what he will do if there is a relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
who is in charge of the family
which matters are decided by the boys and which are decided by the girls.
there are too many moments to make decisions in marriage, from buying a house and a car to cooking, doing housework and helping children with their homework.
who will do the housework? Who will wash the dishes?
do you want to divide the work or ask your parents for help, or do you want to work part-time?
Today's society is not like in the past, men dominate the outside and women dominate the interior, and many women still have their own careers, so when both people go to work, things at home must be properly distributed.
some people say:
Adult love is not romantic, but a mixture of work, mortgage, car loan, parents, family, marriage and feelings.
find a good time to discuss these 15 issues with your partner. I'm sure you'll get to know each other better and plan for the future more clearly.
Marriage is not like falling in love, you can enjoy it carefree. Marriage has a lot of things to consider and a lot of responsibilities to bear, so try your best to communicate these issues before marriage.
if the differences are too big to be resolved, stop the loss in time and avoid getting divorced after getting married and having children. If it can be tolerated or resolved, then take the initiative to take action, and you will reap good feelings.
talk about love for a little while, just to be vigorous and unforgettable;
later say that love is plain and thin.
if you love, please love seriously. Communicating in advance is also a kind of responsibility for each other's feelings.
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as the saying in Big Fish Begonia: "you might as well be bold, love a person, climb a mountain, and chase a dream."