One mouth destroys a child: all knife mouths are knife hearts.
recently I saw a post on Zhihu asking "Why are children strangely depressed?" and a highly praised reply said:
Depression never falls from the sky like a mountain.
his mother always said:
what you should do;
how you do it;
why you can't do it well.
and these words can destroy a person from the inside out.
even if the child has done well, the answer is still "not enough" and "you can't", as if every time he says it, the child can do better.
compared with adults, children have fewer decades of experience and experience to face such a blow and belittling. Perhaps the tough-mouthed parents have a loving heart of "looking forward to the success of their children."
it is a pity that children do not understand this, and parents who are used to denying them do not understand their children at all.
where on earth did we get the absurd idea that if we want to make a child better, we should first make him feel worse?
Ranging from the sexy to the sober, our modest formal dresses are definitely fundamental. In every style, you can now choose your style.
if you want to go up, you can at least do it for a while, but is it okay to keep it down?
belittling education, obviously it will not only hurt the children, but also cause their blood pressure to soar and the double unfriendly way of education, which will lead to hospitalization and rescue, but it will always be self-taught by most parents.
belittling education is actually a "bad expectation"
there is a "labeling effect" in psychology. American psychologist Becker believes: "once people are labeled, it will become the person marked by the label."
disparaging education is like constantly labeling children as bad, allowing them to realize their parents'"bad expectations" step by step.
eight fires broke out in succession in less than 24 hours near a residential district in Shenyang, and soon the suspect was arrested by the police.
it is understood that the suspect is a 16-year-old young man who should have enjoyed his youth and sunshine in the classroom and confessed to his actions.
Why bet your tomorrow like this?
however, he said that he was often beaten and scolded by his father, who said he would go to prison sooner or later, so show him!
in order to get back at his father, he committed a crime on purpose and really fulfilled his father's expectations by going to prison.
sooner or later. This day will not be late, only early!
when a child is beaten by his parents, there are actually two villains fighting in his heart:
A villain says, forget it, anyway, you are not satisfied with what you do, then do as they wish. I am an idiot.
another villain said, still not satisfied? And then I'm just going to prove it to them.
parents bet that their children will be persuaded by another villain, and the more they fight, the more they forge ahead.
but the child collapsed at the feet of the first villain at some point on the way forward.
Professor Susan Foward says in poisoned parents:
"Children don't distinguish between facts and jokes. They believe what their parents say about them and turn them into their own ideas."
Adults still do not like the boss's disparagement, the same name workplace PUA, how to children this, become love and responsibility?
when children do not have the ability to adjust their emotions and understand the meaning of "deep responsibility for love", they have to face blow and negation, and they are not able to change jobs.
"that's it, forget it" is the self-abandonment of a child after being belittled countless times. "Yes, that's what you say I am. Be satisfied."
even if a child struggles all his life to prove himself, chasing the light is just for an affirmation.
writer Sanmao wrote after a compliment from his father: "waiting for you to say this all my life, just waiting for you, my father, to say it, affirms the inferiority complex and guilt that I cannot get rid of in this family for the rest of my life."
always think that if you let the child down to the dust, the child will bounce back by himself, but he never thought that the child who was wrapped in dust could be the last grain of sand that crushed the child.
there must be a knife mouth and a knife heart
some people say that parents have no bad intentions, not all for the good of their children, but also for the sake of tofu heart.
indeed, parents will instinctively believe that I am all for his own good, and when he grows up, he will know to thank me, and regard his own love and expression of harshness as his own sacrifice, sacrificing the warmth with the child to complete the child's future.
Auntie is a typical practitioner of disparaging education. what she said to her cousin from an early age is not the worst, but only worse.
the day before yesterday, when I went to their house for dinner and talked about this topic, my aunt suddenly chimed in:
"then you have to thank me. If I hadn't said such nasty things to you when I was a child, could you have such a strong heart now? now in society, it is much harder to listen to, those who are fragile, are depressed, and some have committed suicide. What is called, is that the ability to resist frustration is too poor.
without me pushing you all the time, can you be admitted to a good university and get a good job?
other people praise you for killing. I have to pull you down a little bit, so you won't be proud!
besides, there are mountains outside the mountains, there are people outside the people, and you are not so awesome yet. "
"here we go again". My cousin smiled bitterly, while her uncle said, "your aunt is a knife mouth and a tofu heart."...
go out for a walk after dinnerMy cousin said, "I am not strong. I dare not conflict with others. I tell myself that it is a blessing to suffer losses. I always feel that others despise me, and my mother is old. I do not want her to think that I am bad, so I will pick and tell her. Otherwise, she must be complaining again. I feel that I have been considering the feelings of all the people around me. I am afraid that they are unhappy. I just never want to be happy or not."
the "aunts" have experienced the world and are full of experience. they regard life as not as expected. Those children who are unable to be independent, mentally fragile and unable to withstand the blow in adulthood are attributed to the fact that they did not experience setbacks and blows when they were young.
No matter how much you love, you have to keep it in your heart.
the so-called knife mouth and tofu heart is nothing more than psychological comfort given by parents who are used to belittling their children. after all, it should be understood to exercise the privilege of being a parent in the name of "love".
someone in Zhihu asked what kind of experience it is for a mother with a knife mouth and a tofu heart. One of the most popular responses is:
I do not believe that people with a knife mouth will have a tofu heart, even if there is, it is also hard frozen tofu, the kind that can kill people.
there is a saying in "non-violent Communication" that we may not think that the way we talk is violent, but language does often cause pain for ourselves and others.
how can there be tofu heart under the knife mouth? no child in the world can feel the tofu-like softness of their parents' hearts under the knife mouth.
parents with high EQ will brag about the rainbow fart.
there is a saying in "the weakness of Human Nature": "people are born to be encouraged. Treating their children in this way can make them grow up in a relaxed and pleasant atmosphere, gain self-confidence, and become better."
not long ago, I saw a video in which the mother blew a rainbow fart to a picture drawn by her child, even though the child thought it was not good-looking. But the mother still said:
"I've never seen a better painting."
"where did you learn that? Where did you learn such good skills? "
"this is the best in the world!"
"is pigmentation used here?"
when the child asks why his father smiles like that, his mother also says, "what does your father know?"
the mother who talks is like a little fan of her child, not only boasting, but also with a clear hierarchy, and the tone is very warm, just like a super fan of her daughter. No wonder some netizens say that this mother is the best in the world!
if mom sees a picture, she chooses to disdain and say, "is this also called painting?" The lessons I've learned for you have been wasted. "I believe that children who already feel that their paintings are not good-looking may never pick up a pen or even draw a line.