The most comfortable relationship for adults

/June 2022

some time ago, I saw such a sentence on Weibo:

it is a disaster to get too close to anyone. Life is like a ruler, you must have a degree.

the best relationship is: closeness and closeness, never tired of looking at each other, and never tired for a long time.

I think so.

comfort becomes the most important part of an adult relationship.

if people need to constantly meet each other's requirements in order to maintain, it is really too tired.

whether it is love or friendship, the most comfortable relationship is often hidden in these twelve words. During this period of time



, my friend Ah Fei encountered a bad worry.

A Fei has a friend who has known since childhood in his hometown. He will meet together when he returns to his hometown for the Spring Festival, and he has always had a good relationship.

just last year, her friend borrowed her home when she came to Xiamen to look for a job.

later, the two naturally shared the same rent.

A Fei likes to be clean, but her friend is neurotic and doesn't like to clean up.

as long as Ah Fei goes on a business trip, when she comes home, she can always see that the sink is full of food leftovers, the living room corridor is full of express trash, and there are so many overflowing paper towels in the bathroom trash bin.

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A Fei likes to be quiet, but her friends love singing, playing games and shopping, and often pull Ah Fei to accompany her.

it's not because of how much she needs Ah Fei, but when her boyfriend is away, she needs A Fei as a substitute.

the one thing that caused them to break up is that some time ago, Ah Fei's new clothes and some makeup are missing.

only later found out that it was her friend who went on a trip and was used by her without saying hello.

on the day she came back, Ah Fei watched helplessly as she took a pile of her clothes and cosmetics out of her suitcase and was very angry.

but her friend didn't think it was a big problem, but said calmly:

in a fit of anger, Ah Fei and she tore their faces and complained about all the grievances and unhappiness since sharing. Wechat and the phone all blocked her and moved out of the rental house.

years of feelings have been destroyed in this way.

you see, most of the time, some "unrestrained details" between people will gradually become thorns in each other's hearts. If the prick is not pulled out for a long time, it will become a "poison" that destroys the relationship.

Sanmao said:

friendship, love, and people getting along with each other, the most taboo thing is that there is no sense of boundaries.

the best relationship is not between you and me, but closeness.

the best relationship is not entanglement, but appropriate intensity.


but the married friends around me told me mercilessly: "nonsense, it's obviously disgusted with each other for a long time!"

it seems to be true. after many feelings have been going for a long time, the freshness fades away, and so does the sweetness at first sight.

in the daily firewood, rice, oil and salt, there are only "indifference" and "making do".

in economics, there is a term called "diminishing marginal utility", which means that when a consumer consumes an item continuously, his marginal utility to it tends to decrease.

to give a simple example, you like to eat hamburgers. When you eat one, you have 10 points of satisfaction. When you eat two, you have 9 points of satisfaction. What about when you eat 100? You must be sick when you see a hamburger.

the same is true of feelings. The first day together, the 100th day and the 1000th day are definitely different.

when she is in love, she cooks a meal for you, and you praise her for being virtuous;

after marriage, she does all the housework, but you only dislike the east and the west;

when you fall in love, he carries a bag for you, and you feel considerate;

after marriage, he goes out to earn money to support his family, but you find it unaccompanied.

it is true that feelings will fade with the passage of time, and it is inevitable.

Ang Lee, a well-known director, has won numerous international film and television awards, but in an interview show, the host asked Ang Lee, "what is your greatest happiness at this stage?"

Ang Lee's answer is quite meaningful, he said:

my wife can smile at me, I will relax a little bit, and I will feel very happy.

just because I'm a father and a husband doesn't mean I can naturally get their respect. You still have to earn their respect every day.

you have to meet a certain standard, because that's one of the reasons why I don't slack off.

you see, in a relationship, no matter how close people are, they are only willing, not taken for granted.

if you want to never get tired of looking at each other for a long time, it requires the efforts of both sides to gain a sense of respect and freshness.

I'm tired of eating hamburgers. You can try to change some other ingredients in it. You can drink some Coke and some milk tea.

you can try to add freshness, bring flowers after work, and have a small date. Travel together.

Life is not the same, only willing to see each other all day but not enough.

although it is not as beautiful as it was at first sight, over time, we know each other's shortcomings, and after polishing and quarreling, after reconciliation and tolerance, we still do not feel bored.


not tired for a long time

the most comfortable relationship, there is a very important point is that you can not be tired for a long time.

to sum up briefly, there are only two points:

1. Don't worry about speaking

between two people, you can stop talking all the time, or you can talk at any time.

We don't always respond to each other in seconds, but sometimes I'd like to share what I see with you.

Don't organize the language, don't worry about saying the wrong thing, and don't worry about being ignored by you, because I know that if you are busy, you will reply me as soon as you have time.

I can tell you a lot of truth, and you can tell me a lot of nonsense.

when you spend time together, you won't feel awkward even if you don't find a topic and stay together quietly.

2. Don't be formal with each other

as Sanmao said:

True love is not nervous, that is, you can burp, fart, pick your ears and have a runny nose in front of him without scruples. The one who really loves you is the one you can meet without washing your face, combing your hair and wearing makeup.

I think the best state of love should be that two people are comfortable and natural together, without any scruples. Although we all have some minor problems, that doesn't prevent me from loving you.

you can play your game, I'll brush my show, I'll cook midnight snacks for you when I'm hungry, and turn off the air conditioner for me when it's cold.

We can truly show ourselves, relaxed and comfortable, independent and intimate with each other.

in a relationship, if there are more troubles than happiness, there is no point in existence.

finally, share a passage from "giving you a bullet":

those who have nothing to do with you have nothing to do with it.

from day one, you actually know. Even with a sweet smile, even if you try to manage the relationship.

and those related to you, even those related to you, can not escape, even if you have only met three times, only once in three years, even if you are 108000 miles apart.

some people are destined to be cancer in your life, while others are just a sneeze.

Life is long and complicated, so don't waste your time on people who are not worth it.

from now on, friendship or love will be with whoever is comfortable with you.