What happened to the family where the old man didn't help with the children?
"at 65, I became a free babysitter."
in 2019, to help take care of her little grandson, Aunt Li, 65, came to the metropolis of Shanghai from her hometown in Hunan.
in less than a year, the old couple quarreled with their son.
Aunt Li said aggrieved:
I have lived for most of my life. This is not good, and that is not right. I have come all the way to be your babysitter. Even if I am not grateful, I am still picky and dislike this and that.
you can take it with you, and I'll go home.
I don't know when the phenomenon of "intergenerational parenting" has become very common.
in China, there are a total of 18 million "old drifters" like Aunt Li. At the age when they are supposed to be old, they embark on the journey because of their children.
CCTV once made a special documentary about the sadness and suffering behind every old man with children from the perspective of "Grandma".
let people see, "my heart trembles".
Grandma Zhi Yun's day began with the child's "noisy".
A boy of 4 or 5 years old is often so energetic and curious that he can fiddle with a toy watch for half a day.
taking care of such children is often inadequate and restless.
sometimes grandma is not feeling well and wants to have a rest for a while, but she has to beg her grandson carefully.
on weekdays, when her daughter and son-in-law are busy at work, Grandma Jian Yun does all the housework: buying food, cooking, and taking care of her.
the only leisure time is to take the children for a walk downstairs.
are you tired? I'm tired.
recently, there was a video with tens of millions of likes on Douyin, in which the grandmother talked about her "busy day."
06:30 in the morning, get up and make breakfast;
7 o'clock, breakfast is ready, while washing up for the grandchildren, wake up the son and wife to eat breakfast;
07:30, send the children to school;
at 8 o'clock, the little granddaughter is awake before she has time to drink water.
take the granddaughter to the park for a while and come back to play for a while. If you don't have time to rest, you should hurry to buy some food, otherwise the grandson will come back hungry at noon.
is exactly the same as the life of Grandma Zhi Yun.
or maybe this is the true portrayal of all the old people with children.
but this is not the most tiring. What I fear most is that while suffering from hardship, I am aggrieved and complained by my children.
it is said that Chinese parents are the most tolerant creatures in the world.
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when you are young, you are exhausted for your child, but when you are old, you still have endless worries: although the child has grown up, the child's child is still young.
"when a girl has a baby, I definitely have to go. I have to do it for my girl if I don't."
compared with their own children, whether they can adapt, make friends, and be happy seems to be "less important".
as long as they can help a little, it is their greatest motivation and comfort!
in this world, all parents who do not want to wronge their children are wronging themselves.
fear that the child is under too much pressure, so he spends his whole life buying a house;
he is afraid that the child has been wronged, so he works hard to take care of the month's son;
he is afraid that the child is unable to split up, so he doesn't say anything about taking care of his grandson.
in the end, they try their best to get peace of mind. The children depend on them and dislike them at the same time. They have neither gratitude nor respect for their parents.
like another grandmother in the documentary, her daughter and son-in-law have completely become "shopkeepers" since she lived in her daughter's house.
what is even more chilling is that the more you do on weekdays, the more you will be scolded.
Mom, children can't be spoiled like this. You've spoiled them all.
your method is wrong, unscientific, and you can't take care of children like this.
what's going on? the child has a fever. Why didn't you tell me?
the daughter who is eager to love her son insists on "raising according to the book" and often rejects and criticizes the grandmother who is "raised according to experience."
even if you say a word to your child, your daughter can find fault. The book says you can't talk to your child like that. It's so easy. Barabara is another bunch of sermons.
during that time, coupled with the sudden death of his wife, the exhausted grandmother suffered from depression.
once she said that she got up at five o'clock in the morning to take mental pills:
"I felt aggrieved, wanted to cry and wanted to shout."
in fact, it is not only the grandma in the documentary, but also many elderly people with children confess that raising children is both a willingness and a last resort.
willingly, for the sake of their children and grandchildren, they are not afraid to be tired no matter how hard they are.
but in the face of their children's dislike and dissatisfaction, they seem to have "no choice". They seem to be doing nothing wrong, and they are really angry and tired.
I still remember that it was reported in the news that a grandfather who helped to look after his granddaughter almost lost his two-and-a-half-year-old granddaughter at that time.
"I was looking carefully at the introduction of a plum blossom when I suddenly realized that my granddaughter was missing." He shouted the loudest voice of his life and ran around the park to call out the child's name.
for half an hour, what he thought about was not the safety of his granddaughter, but how to tell his daughter when he got home.
fortunately, half an hour later, he found his granddaughter under a tree.
went home and got hoarse for a few days. To make matters worse, he had insomnia that night and was afraid repeatedly for the next half a month, "if he doesn't find it."... "
nowadays, "anxiety disorder with grandson" has already become.One of the most common "social diseases" of the elderly.
but originally, they don't have to do this at all.
after retirement, who doesn't want to plant flowers, dance, play chess, read books and spend their twilight years leisurely?
but they are willing to cut off their relatives and friends in their hometown, move away from their hometown to a strange city, and live in the second bedroom of their children's home.
such unconditional help is nothing but love.