If you see through it, don't talk about it. You know people but don't judge them, and you don't argue with reason.

/July 2022

have you ever met such a person:

know other people's grief, do not take into account others, and must tell it widely;

if you have only seen someone once, you can point out his numerous shortcomings;

it is obviously only a trivial matter, but you are red-faced with others, and you have to fight for one, two or three.

there is a saying like this: "if you see through, do not break through, know people, do not judge people, and know reason, do not argue."

learn to shut up at the right time, which is good for everyone.


it's a kind of kindness

Please answer 1988. There is such a scene in the TV series "Please answer 1988":

Deshan, Aze, Gou Huan and Baby Fish go to the restaurant for a big meal.

during the meal, Deshan went to the bathroom twice.

she met an exhibitionist when she went to the bathroom for the first time. She was scared and cried in the staircase.

before she went to the bathroom for the second time, she hesitated again and again. She couldn't help going to the bathroom. During that part of the way, she walked trembling for fear of meeting the exhibitionist again.

Aze sensed her fear and followed her silently. When she found out, Aze said: "I came out to smoke, I am right here, you go quickly."

A few words calmed her frightened heart.

this scene is still engraved in my memory and can't be forgotten.

Aze knows that Tak-sun is afraid, and that she has high self-esteem and is unwilling to show weakness in front of people. Therefore, instead of piercing the mind of virtue and goodness, he carefully protected her in a more appropriate way.

sometimes, seeing through without telling is a kind of warm goodwill, and in some moments, this kind of kindness can often protect others.

once heard a story:

Children need to pay money to participate in out-of-school activities organized by the school, but there is no money left at home. Her mother plucked up the courage to go to a friend's house to borrow some money.

but when she got to a friend's house, she couldn't open her mouth and had to go home dejected.

in the evening, a friend brought her a basket to eat. when she took the food to the kitchen to tidy up, she found an envelope hidden at the bottom of the basket with some money and a note in it.

it turned out that her friend had already guessed her purpose and was afraid of her embarrassment, so she helped her solve her urgent needs in this way.

in fact, everyone has their own reasons. When we see these difficulties, it is better to put them in place rather than say them.

because people who really have high EQ will never put each other in an embarrassing situation.

just as Huang Bo said: "in fact, sometimes, the so-called high EQ is that you don't want to hurt others."

in the face of other people's difficulties, don't laugh at each other, let alone push each other, but leave some leeway for others.

not only can you take into account the decency of others, but also make your heart richer.


knowing people without judging others is a kind of self-cultivation

when I was in high school, I met a classmate whose biggest "pleasure" every day was gossiping about others.

"Gee, xxx couldn't even write his composition well, so he was reprimanded by the teacher again."

"Oh, hey, you know what? Xx made a fool of himself when he spoke today. "

"Gee, it's terrible that xxx can't even do such a simple problem."

more times, the classmates who used to be friends with him gradually alienated him.

once, he was leaning against the hallway, saying embarrassing things about a classmate. The classmate happened to pass by and immediately stopped in front of him and shouted:

"how can you do that every day?" With a small mouth, the observation is still very meticulous. If you do the questions so carefully, the results will not go to heaven. "

just finished saying, "puff. Puff. " All the students around can't help laughing.

as the old saying goes: if you don't know the whole picture, don't comment.

but the reality is often the opposite.

sometimes we treat other people's embarrassing stories as gossip and laugh at them wantonly, but we don't think it will do any harm to them.

sometimes we judge others by our own feelings, but forget that what we see is only one side, not all.

sometimes we feel that other people have flaws here and don't do well enough there, but we never think about what we look like.

I suddenly remembered a sentence in the Analects of Confucius: Zi Gong Fang, the Master said, "it is good to give, but I am busy with my husband."

I strongly agree.

before you judge others, ask yourself, "am I doing a good job?"

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if the answer is no, shut up and bow your head to go your own way.

writer Han Han said: "if you don't understand, you shut up, because you never know what others have been through." If you understand, then you should shut up. "

knowing people but not judging others is not only respect for others, but also responsibility for yourself.


knowledge without argument is a kind of wisdom

once read a poem:

when I see people in the world, I will be reasonable when I open my mouth.

it is still unreasonable to argue with others.

argue more in Iraq and less in you.

if you don't fight for people, you don't have to argue.

this is true. Most people like to compete. Little do you realize that it is a kind of great wisdom to know reason without arguing.

during the reign of Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty, Prime Minister Gong Sun Hong profoundly interpreted this wisdom.

Ji an, who was an official of the same dynasty, targeted him from time to time.

Gong Sun Hong leads a frugal life and covers quilts all the year round.

when Ji an learned about his living habitsHowever, he said to Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty in court, "Gong Sun Hong's monthly salary is not low, and he covers quilts all day long. He is really grandstanding and putting on airs."

the emperor asked Gong Sun Hong, "is what Ji an said true?" Why don't you argue? "

Gongsun Hong replied, "Yes, he is telling the truth."

another day, Gong Sun Hong discussed things with ministers in advance and unified good ideas, but when he reported to the emperor, he came up with new ideas.

so he reported his new ideas to Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty.

after hearing this, Ji an was very angry and reprimanded Gong Sun Hong in court: "it is really unfaithful for you to change your mind temporarily when you have already discussed it."

in the face of public accusations, Gong Sun Hong did not refute or argue, but kept silent all the time.

later, the emperor asked him privately, "obviously what you said in court was right, but why didn't you argue when the ministers criticized you?"

Gongsun Hong said resounding: "those who know their subjects are loyal, and those who do not know their subjects are unfaithful." Since then, Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty trusted him more and more.

if the cognition is different, don't compete; if the level is different, you don't need to be persuaded.

once heard such a saying: "self-timidity is finally strong and the weak is weak, and not fighting is the foundation of victory."

instead of wasting time getting caught up in pointless arguments, be yourself and do what you have to do.

people who are confident in their hearts never care what other people think, because they know what is important in life.

do the important things with your heart and dare to let go of the secondary things.

if you don't argue, you can not only gain the trust of others, but also see a wider world.


Zhu Bailu said: "if you talk too much, you will lose."

however, in life, many people do not understand the truth that "if you talk too much, you will lose". Dalala tells other people's secrets, comments wantonly to make fun of others, and fights with others for only one thing.

it is refreshing at the moment, but it never occurred to me that it often hurts others first and then yourself.

as Shakespeare said, "your tongue is like a fast horse. It runs so fast that it runs out of strength."

instead of waiting for an irreparable situation later, it is better to practice yourself from now on.

learn to see through without telling, leaving some leeway for both sides.

learn to know people without judging others, and improve your self-cultivation.

learn not to argue with reason and focus on more important things.

share with you.