There are three things in life: don't fight for right or wrong, don't win or lose, don't win or lose.

/July 2022

William James said:

people don't have to argue about everything, and sometimes they don't argue in order to make themselves more comfortable.

A wise man does not compete with the villain for right or wrong, win or lose with the fool, or win or lose with his family.


do not contend with villains for right or wrong

in the old days, Hanshan asked and said, "how can people slander me, deceive me, humiliate me, laugh at me, despise me, despise me, and deceive me?"

pick up the cloud: "just put up with him, let him, let him, avoid him, bear him, respect him, ignore him." If you stay a few more years, you can look at him.

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before Han Xin became famous, he was always given the cold shoulder and ridicule by the people around him.

the butcher looked down on Han Xin and often said to others, "Don't look at this guy who is so big and fond of swords and swords. in fact, he is as timid as a mouse."

once he saw Han Xin passing by the street, stopped Han Xin and said to him, "Han Xin, if you have the guts today, give me a knife; if you are afraid of death, get under my crotch!"

Han Xin was very angry at this man's words, but he thought about it and finally chose to drill under the man's crotch.

people ridiculed Han Xin for being cowardly, but Han Xin did not argue with others about the so-called right and wrong and did not act impulsively, but he was actually protecting himself.

according to the law of the Qin Dynasty, the punishment for fighting was so severe that it was even seated. Just imagine that if it had been in the hands of small and medium-sized people, it would have destroyed themselves.

argue with the villain about right or wrong, and the more anxious you are to argue, the happier he will be to see you embarrassed, so there is no need to say anything to him. Indifference is the best response.


do not compete with fools to win or lose

Young people ask the Zen master, "Master, what is the secret of making a person happy?"

the Zen master replied, "Don't argue with fools."

the young man immediately objected, "Master, I totally disagree with this secret. "

the Zen master looked at him and smiled and replied," Yes, you are right. "

the young people are happy to be praised by the Zen master, but the Zen master's smile is just that he doesn't want to waste his breath with the fool in front of him.

argue with people at different levels, saying that no matter how much more, he will only pull you to the same level as him.

this is like the story we often hear about 3 × 821.

A said 3 × 820 to B, and B kindly reminded him that 3 × 824, but A did not listen, and the two quarreled, so they went to the county magistrate for a theory.

when the county magistrate knew about this, he said, "3 × 821, take B out and hit the top ten boards." "

afterwards, B was very dissatisfied with the county magistrate's verdict, and the county magistrate said to him," A man who only knows 3 × 821 can argue for a day without hitting anyone.

argue with an unreasonable person, you must be the last to lose.

to scold and be wise and silent is to defeat the other fool. Silence is enough for the fool. There is no need to say more and find unhappiness for yourself.


do not discuss gains and losses with family members

Home is not a workplace, you have to care about any interests, it is a harbor and a place to rest and feel at ease.

if a family still has to care about it clearly, what's the difference between it and the strangers outside?

A couple who have lived for more than ten years, the wife is grumpy, the family is afraid of her, and the neighbors sympathize with her husband and are always scolded for trifles. One day, my husband bought a jin of crayfish outside, ready to reward himself.

when she got home, the wife was very angry when she saw her husband taking out crayfish in his hand, criticizing her husband for spending too much money, unhygienic things sold outside, and so on.

after talking for about 10 minutes, the husband turned and led the crayfish out.

about an hour later, the husband came back with plenty of food on the table and the wife sat bored on the sofa.

during the meal, they were all silent, and his wife looked at him and hesitated.

then the husband said, "I gave the crayfish to the doorman. I just couldn't help it today. Don't be angry. I won't buy the crayfish next time."

my wife was stupefied for a moment, then chuckled and replied, "for many years, every time you quarrel, you always apologize first. sometimes it is clear that I am wrong, you still apologize first."

the husband said, "because I'm afraid of winning the quarrel, losing my relationship, losing you, and I'm allergic to crayfish, so you won't let me eat. I all know that you've paid so much for this family, why do I have to fight for the quickness of these words?"

there are not so many family members who agree or disagree with each other, sometimes there is tolerance between quarrels, and do not care about gains and losses.

We live together to support each other, to help each other, to love each other, not to care about who pays how much.

Laozi said:

not trapped in people, not trapped in love, not trapped in the heart, do not fight, is the biggest winner.