When you reach middle age, you must give up these three habits.

/June 2022

in Zhihu, I see a question:

Why does the gap between people widen?

netizens commented a lot, but the views were surprisingly consistent:

the answer is very simple, nothing more than the word "habit".

Yes, in the first 30 years of life, you form habits; in the last 30 years of life, your habits determine you.

as Bacon said:

good habits are stepping stones to a good and happy life step by step.

and bad habits are a stumbling block on your way forward, and only by kicking it away will your life be smoother.

when people reach middle age, they must learn to give up these three bad habits.


give up useless meals and learn to let go

some time ago, a doctor friend posted such a circle of friends at 02:00 in the morning: International Labour Day, who spent in the operating room again.

as he often says, what doctors fear most is the festival, because when it comes to the festival, they can't get around the meal, and when there are too many meals, the patients will come together.

there are gastric bleeding, esophageal rupture, and alcoholism.

luckily, carry it in and out; unfortunately, carry it in and out.

many people's lives are ruined by these dispensable meals.

A news I saw before.

Gong, a 43-year-old manager of a logistics company, often faces all kinds of dinner invitations.

he himself knows that some dinners are useless, just a group of people getting together to pass the time, but because of kindness, he will force himself to attend even if he doesn't want to go.

every time he goes to dinner and drinks, he feels abdominal pain.

but he thinks he is in good health and doesn't take it seriously, appearing at dinners, large and small, as usual.

until one day, he went to the hospital for an examination.

the results showed that he had periampullary cancer.

A seemingly healthy body has in fact been riddled with holes and vulnerable to a single blow by the wine table and dinner.

every unnecessary meal is an overdraft of life.

some people say that they attend various dinners in order to meet more people and accumulate contacts.

but the heart-wrenching truth is that how true a person's words are after drinking, how false they are when they wake up.

Director Wang Yuelun once said:

"I used to like to meet new friends every day. When a friend called, he went out for a drink, no matter who called.

but in recent years, I feel that I have to do some subtraction in life, go to fewer unnecessary parties and know less people I don't need to know.

in fact, some parties are really a waste of time. When drinking, everyone vows that no one knows each other the next day. "

it's true that the friends you often make at dinner end up turning into gray avatars on Wechat.

it doesn't actually help except to increase the number of your friends by one.

networking is an exchange of resources, and when you are "useless", it is useless for you to know more people.

when you reach middle age, you must understand not to be a person ruined by dinner.

it's important to socialize, to make friends, and to accumulate contacts, but you don't need useless dinners after useless dinners, what you need is valuable meetings.

stop wasting your body and wasting your time for the sake of the so-called worldly experience.

instead of fooling around in a stale dinner, it's better to keep it simple and put some effort into managing your life.

give up useless dinners, give time back to yourself, and patiently carve a better self.


quit complaining about incompetence and learn to read such a story calmly


in the morning, when the husband was washing, he took off his expensive watch and put it on the washtable.

my wife was afraid that her watch would get wet, so she took it to the dinner table. Unexpectedly, when my son came to the table to get bread, he accidentally touched his watch and broke it on the ground.

when the husband saw that his watch was broken, he complained that his wife was meddling and the child was sloppy. The husband kept complaining, the child began to cry aggrieved, and the wife could not help quarreling with him.

in a fit of anger, my husband didn't eat breakfast and went straight to the office. When he got to the office, he found that he was just complaining and quarrelling, forgot to take his briefcase, and went home immediately.

but there was no one at home, the wife went to work, the children went to school, and the husband's keys were left in his briefcase, so he had to call his wife to go home and open the door.

my wife hurried home and accidentally knocked over the fruit stall by the roadside and had to lose a sum of money.

after returning to the company, the husband was criticized by his boss for being too late, and the wife was also deducted from the full attendance award for leaving early. the son was expected to win the championship that day, but he was eliminated in the first inning because he was in a bad mood.

in the end, the watch was broken, but everyone paid a heavy price for it.

A lot of things, the more you complain, the worse your life will be;

there are many regrets, and the more you complain, the more you will feel remorse.

complaining doesn't solve anything, it makes you more miserable.

when complaining becomes a habit, it's like using sea water to quench your thirst. The more you drink, the more thirsty you become.

not complaining is the best accomplishment for life.

Lin Huiyin has loved architecture since childhood, and when he studied abroad, he also wanted to apply for the architecture department.

but for various reasons, Lin HuiyinI didn't study architecture as I wanted.

instead of complaining, she often attends courses in the architecture department and takes the initiative to strengthen her study.

later, she returned home and traveled alone through the uninhabited mountains and forests, visiting 15 provinces across the country and inspecting more than 200 ancient buildings.

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facing the puzzled eyes of the world, she examined the hardships on the road. She did not complain, clenched her teeth and walked forward, supporting half of the history of Chinese architecture with her weak shoulders.

whose life is not difficult and bumpy?

Smart people know that complaining is of no use except to waste their time and annoy others.

instead of spending time complaining, it is better to turn the complaining time into action and find a possible way out.

A person's true maturity lies in swallowing complaints, hiding complaints, and looking at what has happened in a more peaceful and tolerant manner.

if you don't like it, change it; if you can't change it, change your attitude and don't complain.

those who complain have no ambition, and those who complain have a poor heart.

when people reach middle age, instead of complaining, they should accept the reality and face it calmly.


quit needlessly pleasing yourself and learn to please yourself

in the Japanese drama "calm Leisure", the female master Oshima is a very ordinary girl with a gentle personality and sincere enthusiasm to others, but she is taken advantage of and excluded by her colleagues.

in order to live a quiet life, she always looks at people's faces carefully and keeps pace with the people around her.

at work, sometimes it is obviously her colleague's fault, but in the end she takes the blame. Although she is aggrieved, she still chooses to rest in peace.

in life, for the sake of her boyfriend's "I like straight hair best", she, who is born with natural curls, spends more than an hour every day curling her hair flat.

I originally thought that everyone would like themselves with such a low eyebrow, but the reality is cruel.

colleagues regard her as a small transparent, ask her to do all kinds of unreasonable work every day, and even regard her as a "post-it note" that can be casually discarded after using her.

her beloved boyfriend regards her as an obedient "band-aid" and 24 filial girlfriends who are airtight and beautiful, boring and boring, so they can only play with her.

later, she had difficulty breathing and was admitted to hospital.

when she woke up from the hospital, no one contacted or greeted her, let alone visited her.

the cold attitude of the people around her chilled her to the extreme.

she is soberly aware that the more humble she is to please others, the less they will take you seriously.

giving up self-sacrifice and pleasing can not be exchanged for the gratitude and respect of others, but from selfishness and indifference.

recently, in "Please listen up, Friends", he Jing said:

"I feel that I have changed a lot in the past five or six years since I was 40 years old.

in the past, he always considered the feelings of others and refrained from expressing his true views.

finished everything and met everyone's requirements, and no one could tell who he liked or who he didn't like.

it's different now. Sometimes we don't pay attention to other people's feelings, don't hide our opinions, bravely express our feelings, and no longer care what others will say.

I don't want to be Mr. he anymore, I just want to be myself. "

people don't understand until middle age that no matter what you do or say, there will be comments.

to please others, it is better to please yourself. Don't wait to look back and find that you owe and feel sorry for yourself the most in your life.

if you lose yourself in order to please others, you are the biggest disappointment to yourself.

when it comes to worldly affairs, if there is no way to take care of everyone, you can only take care of yourself.

Please abstain from unnecessary pleasing, not pleasing, not clinging to, and not improperly belittling yourself for the rest of your life.


Middle age is another starting point.

Zhihu has a question:

the answer with the highest praise is this:

good habits will make you reap a sea of stars, while bad habits will make thousands of miles of dikes collapse.

regardless of the past, your habits are determining how you live in the future.

A bad habit is like a person's appendix. If it is broken, it must be removed, otherwise it will hurt you by mistake.

from now on, don't squeeze out useless dinners, learn to quit incompetent complaints, and learn to be selfish.

give yourself more time and know how to practice and enrich yourself.

reduce the annoyance of life greatly, and slowly find the sweetness of life.

understand that it is better to please others than to accept yourself and learn to love yourself.

in this way, we can get the love of life without wasting time.

Middle age is not the peak of life, but a new starting point.

May we all be contented, love, live up to life, and be better ourselves.